Blood and Sand
by Monday
Summary: In which Harry doesn't quite kill Voldemort but he also doesn't quite not kill him. One Shot


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

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He's dead. 

He's dead and you're left wondering what to do now. He's dead and you have no purpose in life. You're lost and you don't even know where you're heading. He's dead and he's taken your life because you never had one outside him.

He was everything, the only reason your heart beats. But now he's gone and you have to find something else to do. What can replace Voldemort? You have no friends left, no companions; they were all killed. You want to leave but you won't because that would mean leaving the comforting familiarity of England and even after all the pain you've seen here it's still your home.

So you sit down in the sand of a children's playground at a time that you think is near midnight but you're not sure. You're in the muggle world because if you did this in the magical world they would still interrupt your thoughts, even in the middle of the night. But here in the muggle world no one bothers you because only drunks and drug addicts sit at the park in the middle of the night.

And you haven't changed your robes that are still stained with blood of the person that was your life. Because you've just killed him and no one even knows. They're all still huddling waiting for the storm that is Voldemort to blow over. So you take this little piece of tranquility before Dumbledore realizes that Voldemort is dead and you have won and the prophecy's been fulfilled the way he wanted.

You don't want to see him because his eyes will twinkle like they haven't since the war started and you want to him just as despaired as you are because in the end all this was his fault.

The infallible wizard that never liked the perfect student. Tom Marvolo Riddle. You think sometimes that perhaps Dumbledore didn't like Tom because he was perfect, because he might grow up to rival Dumbledore. And so the transfiguration teacher ignored the little piece of hate that grew in his student's eyes because it made him imperfect and Dumbledore would be safe. For a little bit.

So he felt guilty and when you came to Hogwarts, he tried everything and nothing clouded his mind because you were imperfect and easy to mould, desperate for something, someone. And you don't notice how he manipulates you because he sent you Hagrid, who you love and see as your saviour and who sees Dumbledore as _his_ saviour. And who is dead. But then you hear the prophecy and Voldemort is inside your head and it's all you can do not do let the feeble shields you have, break under his onslaught.

And you don't notice Dumbledore inside your head because he favours the subtle knife as opposed to the blunt edge that is Voldemort. So when he says the right things and you jump, you don't notice that he didn't really phrase it like a question or how he put the extra comments that you don't need.

Until Voldemort finally breaks through and laughs at how a seventeen year old can be so naïve and you can still remember that laughter because it's still inside your head. Because Voldemort's not dead. And the prophecy hasn't been fulfilled the way Dumbledore wants it to be. Not yet.

The green light of avada kedvra hit the dark lord's chest and his body crumpled and there was no white spirit that runs away. Instead there is a new voice inside your head and you laugh hysterically because you know you're not sane and that the fight is never over.

So you sit in the sand, in the playground and you're tempted to go onto the swings but the voice in your head is telling you to go find the death eaters and start commanding. And as you sit there with your dirty robes and try to find something to fight for. You find it hard because you have Voldemort's memories and Voldemort's thoughts and no one knows Dumbledore better than his complete opposite.

So alike and yet... so different..

So you start laughing and there's a teenager back from a party that runs away from you and it makes you laugh that much more because you are her saviour and she runs from you. And you've sat in the sand for hours and now the shots of light that signal dawn are coming and you still haven't found anything to fight for. So you stand up and you go to the swings because you've never been on them because Dudley never let you and there was never anytime for it after you moved out.

You are so lost the rushing air that whatever tight grip you held on the monster inside you is shattered and he becomes you and you become him so that it's not just Harry and it's not just Tom. But the both of you wait for a moment before you apparate to wherever you want to go because neither of you ever had a childhood and the swings are fun.

And they are an island of peace in the turmoil of life. And you don't want to go back. So soon the sun is shining and the morning joggers are looking at you funny but you're used to it but then a mother and her child comes by and she hesitates because she thinks the red on your robes is blood and of course she is right.

So you get off the swings and walk away mourning the weightlessness. And as you begin your journey, you decide you'll kill Dumbledore. And the ministry. And the death eaters. And you smile because you can't wait to hear the next prophecy since you don't plan to kill yourself.

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